A strange thought dawned on me tonight. I was watching The Town and at the end of the movie Ben Affleck says something about he's leaving Charleston for the first time. It got me thinking about moving and what its like to be new in town. For some reason I got this idea in my head that I've always been the new kid. I still remember how badly the move from Washington tore me apart. That sounds dramatic but I was young and I didn't wanna go. I didn't understand why I had to leave my friends. I remember trying to make new friends. Trying to figure out who I actually wanted to be friends with and who was some one I just wanted hang out with because I was lonely.
The last couple of years in Oregon felt like home to me. Finally. I no longer had to listen to people talk about things in Oregon that I knew nothing about. I didn't have to keep telling stories about "my old friends in Washington". I mean I don't want to forget but it was nice to actually feel connected to my surroundings for once. I had missed that. Its funny how we tend to crave a sense of belonging.
Now I'm in Vegas. I have a new set of "old friends in Oregon." It caught me off guard because I said that a lot tonight. I talked about Josh, Neb and Meesh and all the dumb shit we did. How we always had so much fun together. I then realized I'm not going back there. I'm not. I don't plan on it. Theres nothing there for me anymore. I mean besides my family. Sure I have friends there.... but I left at a really weird time in their lives. I guess my life wasn't all that normal either. I mean fuck I was miserable there. The drugs, the girl problems and the stupid jobs. I'm sure I make it sound a bit dramatic but I felt like I was caught in this fucking shit storm. Apparently I'm still having a hard time getting over it. I am trying to let go though, really I am.
I am the new kid once again. I listen to new faces laugh and reflect on childhood memories. I smile and tell them how funny that must have been. And I patiently await, to feel at home.
No comments:
Post a Comment