She says, "I'm sorry for being a bitch the other night. I was upset about Molli and over reacted. I don't wanna be on bad terms with you and I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was dating someone. I knew it was soon and I didn't wanna rub it in. I didn't think it was really going to bother you because you have just been in your own little world and seemed to just be on with your life. Which is good and I'm happy for you, but I kinda pushed you out of my head too. I went through a lot in first few weeks back to school and you weren't there for me. But it wasn't your job to be, and I think I was bitter that I needed you and couldn't give me what I needed. And this other guy was, and thats why we started dating so quick. And I'm not saying that to be bitchy, just trying to explain to you what was going on. But you'll always have a special place in my life and I do miss you. I always wish you the best. I'm sorry if I didn't show that."
I stare at my phone. I go back and re-read everything again. I say, "Wow. Thank you for all that. I know I kinda disappeared from you too like believe me. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when all that shit went down like I said I would. I've been in my own world trying to move on but trust me its not as easy as I'm making it look. I don't have anyone here to really talk to. Which its probably best to be alone for a while. I probably need it."
I breathe.
My phone vibrates and it reads: " Well you're welcome. But yeah it might be good for you to be alone for a while, but alone as in single not alone as in no one to talk to. And only cuz you're so afraid of being alone. But your head thinks too fast for you to not have an outlet. So I'm still here if you to vent or bitch or just talk about nothing. I miss talking to you just cuz I'm with someone doesn't change that."
I read this over carefully a couple of times and think to myself how her being with someone does change everything. I can't talk to her anymore. Especially if I wanna get over it. We can't talk. About fucking anything let alone my problems.
I start to write back, " I appreciate it, Yeah I miss talking to you too but I just don't know if I should still be coming to you about that kind of thing. For one you're dating someone but if I really wanna get over it I don't know if should anymore."
Me saying I don't know basically means no. I just don't wanna say it. Thats what my I don't knows always tend to mean.
She says " I mean I hate to admit it but I think you're right. I just know we care about each other so its hard accepting that we can't always be each others support team."
I was kinda shocked she said that to be honest. I didn't expect her to agree.
" I know. I care about you a lot" I start, "but we can't do that anymore. Sure a friendly text every once in a while but yeah. The support team isn't gonna happen."
"I know, I agree." She replies.
I realize that this is it. This moment right here is the end of Katie and I's relationship forever. Every thing about it. We aren't gonna talk. Its done. I don't know what to say and the best I come up with is, "Alright. Well thanks for the text."
She says, "You're welcome. Good luck with everything Austin."
"Thanks Katie. You too."
And then thats it. Every thing is done and over. I feel weird. Its a mixture of being sad and growing up. I spent a significant amount of time with her and now we're done communicating. I'd say its probably not forever but I mean come on. I'm not gonna fucking text her. She won't text me. Its done. But I feel like I've grown up and learned a lot from everything. The only way I feel like I can look at it is that I've just ended I chapter in my life. Who knows whats gonna happen next.
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