Today wasn't the best day. It also wasn't the worst day either. All the shit has been randomly hitting me hard out of no where when I'm not really expecting it. I'm avoiding talking to my friends unless its Josh or Morrie. I don't go out until its the weekend. I just stick to this routine of school, working out then music. Which honestly, I do enjoy some what but I still feel bad. Junk called me 3 times right when I got home and I avoided him but then he came over anyway. I pretended I didn't know he called. He wanted to go get food and I turned him down because I mean for one I was too tired and I had just ate. He offered to buy me food but I told him no still and that he should come back over. He didn't. Part of me was hoping he wouldn't but I felt weird that he didn't call to at least give me some sort of reason why. I'm starting to wonder if my friends are noticing my habits of just sitting at home. I just feel like I have to put out this extra energy to hang out with them. Yet at the same time Junk hangs out with Tavia and Jordana and I don't really wanna hang out with them much. Neb goes to kick it with Kevin and Cam and they just get high. Its like I've gone full circle since I last left to Vegas. I feel like I'm stuck in this fuckin loop now. All this shit is so familiar.
I'm ready to tell my mom I want to go see some one. I'm just insanely freaked out on how all this shit works. I don't even know how you find one of these people and let alone I mean some one that I like. I wanted to ask Josh about his but he told me he's going back and I don't even want to tell him why I want to go in the first place. I'm just overwhelmed. A lot. I'm overwhelmed. Its getting really hard to not act like theres something up. I've been good at hiding it for a long time but its starting to not work anymore so I have no fucking clue whats gonna happen. I feel like I'm gonna explode.
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