Remember when I called you drunk the other night? I was freaking out because I felt like I was bad person. I was freaking out because I was the reason why you were always upset. I was telling that I need to disappear over and over again. Yeah I was drunk and upset but those thoughts came from some where. Its awful.
You think I can't love? I have so many thoughts in my head right now its too overwhelming to even fucking type. What sucks is the fact that you're probably fucking right. So pity me. Fine. Feel bad for me.
Do you understand where my thoughts come from? Why sometimes I think I'm so terrible? Most of them are from reading what you write about me. Because I believe everything you say in there. I mean you've only known me since I was like fucking 13. Do you ever wonder what I'm thinking when I read what you have to say about me? You know I read every word of it. Like I said, I always have. Always. So have you ever considered how I feel when I read it? In all fairness its your blog, its for you to vent, I shouldn't be reading it. You really shouldn't have to care about what I think. I don't want you to care because that would completely defeat the purpose of your blog. It would no longer be your real thoughts there for making it pretty pointless. You won't (and shouldn't) do that anyway. I'm not even sure why I was worried about that. So I'll just simply stop reading it.
In all honestly, I don't even wanna post this. I know you'll see it too. I care about you so much that I don't want it to make you upset. Crazy right? But then again this is my way of venting as well.
Its also my way of letting you know I'm upset.
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