It seems so familiar

I feel like I have a lot write about. I've been putting it off for while. Well for starters, I'm 19. My birthday was last Wednesday. It was a lot of fun. Ricky was awesome and let us party at his house. Almost every one I cared about was there. Well except for Neb and Josh. Neb was "too high" to show up at my party. Josh was doing something for Keanan (who had recently committed suicide) for his birthday and wasn't in the mood to go out. Which was fine up until I called him later to see if he was gonna at least stop by. Instead he was playing basketball with some people. Cool right? I mean its not like I've been there for these kids whenever they've fucking needed me. Throughout all of high school. Some best friends right? On top of that they're fucking coke heads. I recently decided to drink with them a only to find them yaked out of their minds as usual. I know I'm exaggerating, they haven't been doing it that often (as far as I know) but I still hate it.

Josh called me tonight and said he was gonna come watch the blazer game with me and my family. He never showed up. Then Neb texted me later to tell me he was gonna come over. He texted me back saying Josh was "too high" and they weren't gonna come. Deja Vu.  Basically since my birthday, I've stopped to talking to them both. I can't deal with all their shit. I get the recreational use of smoking every once and while but thats all the fucking do. I'm done dealing with that shit. I don't know if I'm just uppity about it or if I'm just over smoking but its fucking driving me crazy. I'm not gonna really talk to them much anymore. 

Since Paige has been home I'm slowly realizing how hard it is finding some where to live in Vegas. So now I don't know about Vegas. None of her friends want to room with me. I can't blame them. They don't know me its awkward. Even though they haven't responded to my e-mails it has to be something a long those lines. So I guess worst case scenario, I leave in July. If I have to wait till July I'm gonna fucking lose it. I can't be in this town. I can't be at my same job. I can't be around Josh anymore. I should of just fucking moved to Tigard with Junk like we were gonna do. He's the only kid I can actually stand. Really. He's reliable and not a fucking idiot. 

I'm sure everything will figure it self out for the better I suppose. I hope.