It Just Keeps Spinning and Spinning and...

I'm in the backyard stretching after my run when my mom starts talking to me about Hayleigh. She tells me how she felt Hayleigh disrespected her. She tells me how she felt Hayleigh doesn't like her. She tells me how she tried to be nice, tried to ignore her and tried to understand her approach. She tells how me she feels Hayleigh is too negative. She tells me how she's not impressed with Hayleigh smoking weed every day. She tells me how its so strange that she started out so nice and sweet and then something happened. She tells me how she feels Hayleigh just isn't happy. Then she says any girl is a tough act to follow after Katie.

I just nod. And say things like, "yeah" and "I know". I don't know what else to say. Theres nothing really to say. Hayleigh did start off so nice and then turned into this... negative person. I know she has a hard life. I really hard life. She's been living on her own since 16. She's raised her self. She works full time and goes to school full time. Her best friend is moving out on her. She has no where else to go now. By the end of the month she needs to find some one to live with. She can't go home. But the thing is...I don't see her doing anything about it.

After my mom said something about Katie I got stuck on thinking of her. I still I am which is probably why I'm writing this. I blew Katie off twice for coffee when I got home. I don't know why. Maybe I was scared to see her. Maybe I didn't want to. I don't know. I don't know. But after I met up with Alyssa for coffee she told me I need to go. So I apologized to Katie and told her whenever she gets back from her trip we should go.

I'm beginning to feel like I'm not as over it as I thought I was. Maybe I felt that way in Vegas because I wasn't home. I guess some times old feelings will creep up on you at the places they started from. I just keep playing my mom saying how Katie is a tough act to follow and she was the sweetest girl in the world. And she is, she truly is. Its hard to let something like that go when all your family and all your friends loved having her around. Thats always been a big deal to me. If my Mom and my friends don't like you then its not going to work. At all. I need them to love you like I will.

I'm currently ignoring Hayleigh. Trying to figure what I'm going to say. What I'm going to do about it. I still don't know. Running from it is only gonna make it work. I know this but I can't help myself. Every time my phone vibrates I'm hoping its not her. Which is pretty terrible at this point. I should known something was wrong when she fought with Neb.

Fuck it.