I'm home now. I have been for two weeks or so. I'm moved out of Jon's and moved in with my sister. After I moved all my shit to the my house I left with my Dad and Sean back to Oregon. And here I am.
I'm trying to figure out how much I like Hayleigh. And what to think about the whole thing. I mean I like her because she makes me view things in a different light but I feel like she keeps things from me. I don't really know what else I'd expect this is the most we've ever hung out and I'm leaving at the end of the month so in a way its kinda like whats the point? She constantly reminds me to stop viewing shit in a negative light. It's weird because I'm normally the one telling people to look at everything positively. Hypocrites give the best advice anyway.
I don't wanna go back to Vegas. I don't like it there. Which is unfortunate considering that is the place where I am going to try to make my passion into a career. The people there just aren't like the people here. Most of them at least. Its hard to come by a legitimately good person. I just get drunk and forget people's names. Which I've made very apparent in past posts. All that will have to stop when I go back. I'm going to just sit and write music and not fucking talk to anyone. I will become the biggest fucking introvert possible. Which is terribley hard for me. I just really need to focus.
Las Vegas is lonely. Thats the other thing. Maybe I'm too picky with people I surround myself but I hate most of those kids. I mean I get along well with them but honestly they don't mean anything to me. Maybe its because I haven't given them a better shot but I just honestly... don't like them. Its probably because I miss home I don't know. Being back has made me realize that I don't belong anywhere else but the Pacific Northwest. I don't plan on living in Las Vegas longer than I have to. The second I can leave I will be gone.
I met up with Molli the other night while I was in Eugene at Tia's party. It was really really nice. I was bit on the drunk side but I remember it all very clearly. Its really nice knowing that after all the shit we've gone through she's still there. When I was in Vegas I would get drunk and call her. Very late at night. For a while I would drink with my friends down there and when they all left I would still be up and alone and upset. I had no one to talk to down there so I called Molli. She answered and would listen to me drunkly babel about god knows what. That's real friendship. That's a connection that won't ever fade. Whatever it is, no matter what happens, it won't go away. That's comfort.
No comments:
Post a Comment